New year. Same me. Bigger goals

Hi everyone,

Well, where to begin with 2020??

First of all, I would like to say how sorry I am to all of you who have lost someone due to the Coronavirus. This pandemic has really taken its toll on a lot of people and I know I am extremely lucky to have both friends and family around me for support. It has truly been a testing year in a number of ways from social isolation to losing loved ones. My thoughts go out to all of you.

My year has certainly filled with ups and downs, from the numerous arguments and the pure lack of a social life (which honestly wasn’t much different to my normal life!) during lockdown 1.0 and multiple holiday’s being cancelled, to reconnecting with family, seeing Aurora grow into a testing but wonderful child and of course finding the love of my life.

I can honestly say, compared to this time last year where I said I was “determined” to make 2020 my year, I can honestly say I think I have done bloody well.

My other goals for this year – which is rather funny to remind myself of were as follows:

“Moving into 2020 -

I WILL lose weight

I WILL clean up my eating

I WILL keep on top of my uni work

I WILL continue to work on myself both physically and mentally”

I mean honestly just looking at that list I would say I have done a surprisingly good job; I am four stone lighter than I was this time last year. I do still need to work on my eating, but I mean, it is Christmas after all! Although I think saying that for six months of the year kind of defeats the point?! I have been so much better with my uni work this year, didn’t ask for one extension and yes, I am annoyed that I had to defer a year due to Corona but honestly, if that was the worst thing to happen then I am counting myself lucky.

This year was tough for the last point to be honest and I think a lot of people would have felt the same too, self-isolation while it seems great at the beginning binge watching Netflix and staying in bed all day, the reality is, the novelty wears off after only a week, maybe less. I was so grateful that I got into running and getting into my long walks with Aurora. Bless the kid she is going to have thighs of steel the amount I was making her walk! I found that, for me, looking after myself physically came hand in hand with looking after myself mentally. I don’t know what it is about the fresh air or beating your personal best or that feeling of accomplishment but the more I smiled, the more I believed, the more I did and saw the results the better I felt in every aspect of my life. Obviously, I still had my down days, but they were definitely less frequent than they were in 2019.

Aurora, where to even start with that kid. She is three going on seventeen. She sings along to Alexander Hamilton and she is the most amazing little girl I know; she is smart and beautiful and such a laugh. The confidence just radiates off her. I think in the last year I have really noticed a change in her attitude, whether that is for better or for worse, I will keep you updated in the new year! She is super clever, and I think 2021 will be an amazing year for her, she will be starting school next September, she will be turning four years old in April. My only wish for her is that she continues to be this inspiring, gorgeous, kind, loving little girl. I am so proud of her and everything she has accomplished this year within herself and everything at nursery. I am so proud to call her my daughter, she really is a truly spectacular child.

I said at the beginning of the year this year was going to be my year, and although this pandemic really shook things up, I still managed to meet Thomas. It is true what they say, some things come to you at a time you aren’t expecting them. Boy, is that true! I mean meeting someone is hard under normal circumstances never mind in the midst of a pandemic, yet here we are. Building a life together and I wouldn’t change anything for the entire world. I have never met someone who understands me and appreciates me for all my ice queen features as well as the soppy loving side of me. Not only that but I have never let anyone close enough to see them. So, I think it would be fair to say I have really met my match. He is also so handsome and makes me laugh every single day. So I mean, that’s a bonus!

You are the most amazing person Thomas, thank you for coming into mine and Aurora’s life and becoming such an influential and integral part of our family.

I never thought I would fall in love, I didn’t know what it meant, how it felt or what I was supposed to do. But what Thomas has taught me is that just by being me I can be loved, and I can love just as deeply. Like, I fell hard, let’s not even beat around the bush here. I fell hard! But it was reciprocated, so it is like my very own fairy-tale.

And they all lived happily ever after.

I learnt a few things this year:

I learnt that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to.

I learnt that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was.

I learnt that it is okay to let your guard down and trust someone else with everything you have.

I learnt that it is okay to give myself credit for my parenting, no one is perfect, but we have to take the wins where they come.

I learnt that however independent I may be, it is okay to ask for help.

I learnt that the more I look after myself, the happier I am therefore the more patient I am with Aurora (and everyone else!!).

My goals for 2021:

I WILL continue to look after myself and maintain my lost weight and hopefully lose some more.

I WILL be more forgiving of myself and give myself more credit for the things I accomplish.

I WILL concentrate more on my mental health and getting my PTSD under control (fingers crossed).

I WILL learn to accept that not everything will be perfect all the time.

I WILL give all my love and support to both Thomas and Aurora and try to be the best mother and girlfriend I possibly can.

I am so thankful to each and everyone of you that have been through this bumpy ride that has been 2020 with me. Thank you to everyone that supported me and helped me through lock-downs and Aurora dramas throughout the year.

This year has been tough, and plans have gone out the window, but it is times like these that we know who we can count on.

So, Taylor Swift, I thank you!

I joke, but seriously her albums this year were insane!

I said last year that negativity would have no place in my life in 2020. Having my family and some really amazing friends around me and the most loving of boyfriends! They have really helped me to see the positives and say positive in such testing situations as we have all found ourselves in. I think that despite the pandemic throwing a spanner in the works, I have had a pretty fantastic 2020. I can honestly say I have never been happier. Complete 180 from last year, but I’ll take it. A mixture of having the right people around me and learning that self-care is in fact the most important care has made 2020, against all odds, simply remarkable.

Stay safe everyone and Happy New Year!

Many thanks, sincerely

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