Do you ever just look in the mirror and think..........................................
I did the couch to 5K last year, and I am still running 5K and even sometimes go up to 7K. I mean no one, especially myself, saw that one coming. But the running has definitely become less frequent. I mean between doing that and sorting my diet out, I lost quite a bit of weight and that was great. Then somewhere down the line, I forgot that I can’t just eat what I want, and I actually have to be careful.
People say when you are in a happy relationship you do put on “happy weight”. I mean, since I have met Thomas, I am the happiest I have ever been, my mental health has never been better, I have never felt more loved or even supported, and yet I still have this issue with my weight.
I have always been like a bleedin’ yoyo with my weight. Was in an awful relationship put on six stone, was happy living my single life, pregnant even and I lost weight, then just gained it back again and then tried to lose it and ended up gaining again, up and down and up and down. I know this is a struggle for a lot of people, and for me, it is something that I think about almost daily. As with anything some days are worse than others.
I am also really trying not to let it affect Aurora because the last thing I want is for her to be conscious about weight and unrealistic beauty standards from such an early age. I mean in an ideal world she would never have to deal with any of this. But I would be kidding myself if I thought I could shield her from the likes of Instagram and Facebook forever. She loves a selfie, and she loves looking at the filters, her fave is to be a broccoli *eye roll* now that’s an unrealistic standard! But I try to take as many photos as possible of her, and of all of us really, without a filter on. Unlike me, she is very vain (but in the best way!) and loves looking at herself in the mirror and says she looks beautiful, and you know what? I love that. Like yes, girl, you are beautiful, you are gorgeous. Although, hilariously, we have noticed that when she is given a compliment, for example, we will say,
“that’s a cute outfit Aurora you look beautiful!”
Well yes darling we know, you know, and it is fantastic that you know but you say thank you when someone compliments you! Luckily, we have noticed that she will say “I know” when answering Thomas or me, not so much other people. She really is just so funny. Cracks me up on a daily basis.
I can get quite down about my weight and it really does affect every aspect of my life. I know that I am very self–deprecating. I mean Thomas absolutely hates it, in all fairness so do I but sometimes I just say these things without even thinking about it and I mean that in itself is a really difficult mindset.
I tell Rory that I am going for a walk, going out for a run, even going to the gym now. I try to make minimal changes to our meals so that she doesn’t really notice that I am not eating exactly the same like I will take pasta or potato out. She knows I make special brownies for myself (not that kind, I hasten to add!!) and that we make Daddy and Rory snacks that Mummy can’t touch.
It is tough, there is a fine line for sure, but I just don’t want her to think that she isn’t good enough, because I constantly think that about myself and it is a really awful place to be. But we are working on that, it is something, like with any mental health concern, it will take time, but I am positive that I will get to a place where I can look in a mirror again and love what I see and who I see staring back at me. I think I also have to understand that it isn't going to happen overnight, I am not going to wake up tomorrow morning with my dream body. These things take time and patience and hard work.
I mean, as if me writing this blog wasn’t hard enough, something happened today, and I was absolutely SHOOK. So, I went for a 6K walk while Rory was at nursery and I was feeling good, like I am seeing progress and a loss of weight in certain areas and you know, as one does, I began to feel more confident. Anyway, this was short-lived because there was this group of, what I like to call, thugs in a car.
One was wearing a Shrek mask - as one does, and firstly made Aurora jump as he shouted out the window, so then she started crying. I mean it was a whole ordeal, to be honest. But it was what they shouted that got to me. They shouted, really very loud also “FATTY” and just sped off. So not only was I dealing with a sobbing four-year-old but also fighting back tears myself.
So, I get home and just sob. It was awful. I get it okay, I am not a skinny size 8 model, and honestly, neither would I want to be. But for someone to go around in a car and shouting that to people walking on the pavement, and with a child, might I add. Is absolutely disgusting. I don’t care how old you are, or how funny you think you are being, there is absolutely no scenario when being that cruel to someone is okay. Whether you know the person or not.
The fact is, is that I know that I need to lose weight, but I also know that I am doing something about it. I literally got to the point where I was like what is the point. Like I am actually feeling good today and then this happens.
But no, that is not the mindset we need Megan is it?
So instead, I am going to use it for motivation. She says through tears.
No, seriously I am. I have had my cry; I have let it get to me. Now it is time to just pull myself together and get back to doing what I was doing because honestly, I wasn’t doing badly and the last thing I was is for some ignorant, pathetic thugs to set me back. It will take time, but I won’t let it set me back.
Now I am not one to take every little thing super seriously and I do take the mick out of myself on a daily basis. However, being cruel for no reason other than to show off to mates or just to get a rush for yourself is not a way to live life.
You don’t know what someone could be going through and words can hurt.
The moral of this story folks - be kind.
Kindness literally costs nothing.
Many thanks, sincerely.