If at first you don't succeed, try, try again

Updated: Jul 29, 2020

Hi everyone!

So, I am going to start off today by just working through my emotions.

Quite frankly, I am a mess and not because Aurora is being horrible or even because of lock down anymore.

No, no, this unstableness is solely down to Grey’s Anatomy and Station 19. I mean, come on guys. Is it really necessary to make me cry every single episode! Honestly, it is madness.

Rory came into my room the other day while I was mid breakdown and she apologises, I was like, “Thanks babe but ummmm, why are you apologising, did you do something wrong?” she goes, “you are crying and I’m sorry.”

So, then I start crying even more because she thinks I am crying because of her and honestly it is all jut a big mess. But we did cuddle and make up, not that – this time – she did anything wrong.

Tell you what though, I watched season fifteen and sixteen of Grey’s and then started Station 19, so actually I am crying at an episode of Station 19 but I already know what is going to happen because I have seen it in Grey’s – yet, I can not stop myself from crying uncontrollably for the whole episode, and that isn’t even an exaggeration.

The whole episode

Tears streaming down my face

I need help – like therapy help!

That is basically the reason I haven’t written a new post in a while because I have been draining my body of water through crying constantly!!

To be honest it sounds like all I have done over the past couple of weeks is binge watch TV and cry, but in actual fact we have been busy little bees! - please see below.

I freaked out over a ladybird being on my friend in the park the other day – that was eventful.

I am absolutely terrified of ladybirds, like I cannot even begin to explain my fear of these dreadful creatures. Honestly, the ladybird was probably just minding his own business and my friend didn’t seem to mind that he was on her. As soon as I saw that ladybird, I swear to heaven above, it took everything I had not to scream.

I am actually really trying not to be scared of them as well, for Aurora’s sake, because she has started saying she doesn't like them and I do not want her to have the fear just because I do! So recently when I have seen one, I have actually been pointing them out to her and saying how cute they are.

Inside I am literally screaming.

However, the reality is, they aren’t actually going to do anything to me, at least with spiders and snakes some can actually harm you, so I feel that fear is kind of justified.

Although ironically, I have no issues with either spiders or snakes!

Weird. I am weird.

We have decorated a tote bag, which might I just say looks absolutely atrocious! We even followed the instructions and it still looks - honestly I have no words.

So bad. The worst thing I have ever done, and I made a bucket hat in Year 7 textiles which looked awful and it was the strangest shade of green I have ever seen, so that took some beating, yet here we are fifteen years later still creating shocking items.

Aurora loved it though so I mean I can’t really complain!

Taylor Swift released a new album – I WAS SHOOK – but it is lovely. Did the musical equivalent of binge watching and then again and again and again, so now I know all the words, to all the songs.

We took a weekend trip to Taunton, rented a car and everything – Rory cried when we had to give it back but honestly, she was only expressing what I was feeling. I feel like a really accomplished adult when I am driving a car with my child in it. I don’t know why that is.

It’s real mum goals though.

Taunton was really lovely, surrounded by wine and new scenery – oh and the family obviously! Kidding, it was lovely to see everyone, haven’t been able to get down there for a while so it was good to catch up and Rory loved having her Uncle Horatio all to herself and to be honest I loved having Uncle Horatio too, gave me the opportunity to have five minutes peace and quiet.

Not that I would know what peace and quiet was if it punched me in the face and broke my nose.

I did however download Pokémon Go – again. Obviously when it first came out, it was spectacular, like everyone was out and battling and stealing each other’s gyms and everything, but now, not as many people play, but enough that it is still fun and the new generation Pokémon are really very cool. So basically, it makes my stupidly long walks so worth it, and I am finding new routes based on the pokéstops and even found a couple of new parks for Aurora too. Honestly, we are having so much fun!

Managed to convince Horatio to download it too so now we can be sad together, and what’s even better is we are in two different places, so I have his login and we get each other Pokémon.

OK so, just writing that previous paragraph has made me come to the realisation I do have real issues and if I didn’t really need that therapist earlier – then I definitely do now.

Aunty G had her baby! OMG he is delicious. Little Archie Bleu – UGH MY HEART!

I love him! Not that I have met him yet, but I will and when I do, I will only love him more!

Aurora has been delightful

– I figure if I say that enough she might actually be delightful and not a little terror! It isn’t working so honestly; I might just stop trying.

She has good days and bad days. But to be honest more good than bad recently so I am really not in a position to be complaining.

Actually, it has got really strange because she will be totally fine, we will be walking to the park then boom – no one has said a word and she is stomping her feet saying, “I HATE YOU MUMMY”

Well quite honestly child, I am hating you even more in this second. Obviously, I don’t say this – in public.

I simply reply with “OK, shall I leave you here and you can find someone whom you love!?”

To which she replies with, “NOOOOO MUMMMMYYYY DON’T LEAVE ME, I LOVE YOU”

Score one to Mummy – smugger than smug I am at that point!

So you see, while I love a binge watch, we do stay active and try not to fight.

Sometimes it simply does not work.

But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

Hope you enjoyed!

Many thanks, sincerely

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