Well, 2019 is nearly over.
Thank goodness for that. This last year has been a tough one for me. Don't get me wrong I have lots to be thankful for. Aurora and I did a lot of fun things. I have also conquered a lot of my issues. I mean. Kind of! Still a work in progress.
I have really tried to sort out my PTSD this year. That was the most challenging part of the year I think. From having the police getting involved, to the multiple panic attacks I would have a day. But they have subsided. Haven't actually had one in the last couple of months, so I am really proud of myself for conquering that this year because that had built up over four years.
I have not had the easiest year this year, I was struggling with Aurora growing up and it is a really hard job. Don't get me wrong, I have never put down single mothers for what they do, but as Aurora went from 18 months to two and a half, it just changes completely. The dynamic has changed between us over the last year and I tried to give her, her independence but then everything just seemed to backfire. So then I would have a go at myself and ended up making myself feel like I had failed. Like parenting is hard. It is scary when they begin to grow up and I have found that I have grown with her. Sometimes you don't know what you're doing and you feel like everything you do is wrong, but then she'll do something so lovely and you say to yourself.
You know what, I can fucking do this.
As far as my other goals go, I did not find love, I did not lose weight, I did not acquire a car.
However, I got Aurora to her second year of life, I became a master of DIY flat-pack furniture, I passed my second year of uni, we went to America and had the most fantastic time. I spent more time on myself. This is a big one actually because I am a relationship person, I really struggle to be alone. So this year I did concentrate on myself and didn't try and force anything with anyone. I found yoga helps to relax me. It was the year that I decided to create this blog, and honestly thanks to those of you that read it on a regular basis because I did not think that this many people would read it.
Moving into 2020 -
I WILL lose weight
I WILL clean up my eating
I WILL keep on top of my uni work
I WILL continue to work on myself both physically and mentally
2020 WILL be my year. You know what I do say this every year, but this year is different. I have never been more determined, and not just for me, but for Aurora too. I want to set a good example for her. I hope you all appreciate my hilarious attempt at creating a corner shelf in the picture below! I took apart my old bedside table and attached it to the wall!
So today, I have cleaned out my cupboard, which was hilariously messy! I have made Aurora's room all lovely with all her new things from Papa and Grandma for Christmas. I have taken down my Christmas tree. I am actually late this year with it, it usually comes down on Boxing Day! I just get to a point where I am like. Okay, Christmas is over, why are you still here - to the tree! So it comes down. I have deep cleaned my flat. Like we are going into the New Year with all the positive vibes.
I will be partaking in Dry January, which I actually think is hilarious.
I think this is hilarious because every year I take the piss out of those that do Dry January! I mean look, don't get me wrong not even I think I will be able to sort my diet and drinking out in the same month! But I am going to give it a good go!
Like I said positive vibes only, please.
Negativity will be banned in 2020.
Also just before I finish up this last post of 2019. I would just like to say a massive congrats to Georgina. This year we have become closer than ever and now she's expecting her own little baby. So Congratulations my darling! I can not wait to meet little baby Georgina! (No I do not know if it is a girl or boy! but Baby Georgina sounds freakin' cute!)
So from myself and Aurora.
Thank you for reading this year and we will see you all in the New Year!
Many thanks, sincerely